Who Am I? Coming Home to Myself

About a year ago I bcollage2 paint daubsecame aware of how much time I spend not living in the present. I am either ruminating on events that occurred in the past, or projecting about what (usually bad) things might happen in the future. I’ve realized it’s very difficult for me to stay present in the moment, and to stay present with myself. The why of this is not important. Suffice it to say that it’s a defense mechanism of sorts that probably began taking root before I had even mastered language.

To remedy the state of not-being-with-myself, I’ve begun to ask myself five specific questions and write down the answers:

1. Who am I?
2. What do I think?
3. What do I feel?
4. What do I want?
5. What do I need?

I’ve found it interesting how much the answers change. But not surprisingly, the answers to “What do I need?” have been the most consistent. Here are some examples from the last year or so.

July 24, 2013
Who am I?
I am Psyche North Torok, lover, sister, daughter, friend. I am writer, artist, creator, self-healer.

What do I think?
I think many thoughts, too many to track and focus . My thoughts flutter busily, like sparrows in a hedge.

What do I feel?
I feel mostly peaceful with a tinge of sadness that I can’t quite put my finger on.

What do I want?
I want more sleep; I want to lay here and daydream and not go into work.

What do I need?
I need to breathe. I need to take excellent care of myself. I need to do things that garner my self-respect.

September 4, 2013
Who am I?
I am Psyche North Torok, writer, woman, friend, lover, employee.

What do I think?
I am fighting the perception that I am small and alone. I wish my shoulders would stay relaxed all the time.

What do I feel?
A little sad—not sure why. Not feeling real good about myself, my accomplishments.

What do I want?
To be more accepting of myself. To belong.

What do I need?
I need to belong to myself. I need to stay with myself.

July 12, 2014
Who am I?
I am Psyche, woman, American, sister, daughter, friend, creator, dreamer, writer, poet.

What do I think?
I think the weather is phenomenal. I love having all my windows open. I think my pen just ran out. Yes, it did. Here’s another one. I’m looking forward to going to Ruth’s tomorrow. I’ll tell them about my article that will be published soon.

What do I feel?
I feel pretty good today, right now. I feel hopeful and open.

What do I want?
I’d like another tall bookshelf. I’d like to not have to do my dishes. I want a clean refrigerator, and I want my feet to stop hurting. I want to see if I can carry that one bookshelf up from the basement.

What do I need?
I need to pay attention to myself. I need to be present with myself in this moment. I need self-love and approval of self. I need to let myself breathe.

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3 Responses to Who Am I? Coming Home to Myself

  1. Kitty says:

    What a wonderful exercise. I like it!y

    Like

  2. I know from experience how difficult it is to learn to be present. You are on your way. Keep going; the present is the best place you can be.

    Like

  3. Tamika Simpson says:

    Great personal insight for readers and yourself. Love your work, keep going with the meditations.

    Like

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